One Child Policy

With the one child policy lasting from 1980 to 2015, it has impacted many families and mostly the children who have been felt displaced within the society.  Having read and watched a documentary on this, it made me realise the social and emotional impact on the children that stays within them for life but also puts added pressure on their position of what is their ‘identity’. 

From a group of three cousins aged 13, one of the girls shared her story after being adopted saying that ‘adoption is a grieving process’ for her.  It was not feeling that she is safe and cared for by a loving family but it is the feeling of losing of her own family and the reasons to why they did this.  The three cousins (girls) met through social media and found out that they were cousins, adopted by families in the USA.  After sharing their feelings, views and life stories that they knew through their adopted families, two of the girls decided to find their birth parents but the third did not want to.  She reflected saying that it did not mean anything to her and that it would not change her to who she is.  What are your thoughts?  Why do you think she decided this? 

In addition to the one child policy, giving up a second child was not only based on the requirements of the law but a preference of gender that parents made to keep or give away the child.  Can you guess what gender they would leave on the streets for adoption?

Yes, there was a high rise of girls who were left on the streets to be found by passer-by’s and taken to orphanages in comparison to the male gender.  This caused an imbalance of the population and a shrinking workforce.  Whereas, if parents kept the two genders within the family after paying a high fee to the authorities, it could mean favouritism of the boy over the girl.  The policy was modified beginning in the mid-1980s to allow rural parents a second child if the first was a daughter and then lasted three more decades before the government announced in late 2015 a reversion to a two-child limit.

A story shared by a girl who was kept within the family after the grandparents paid and supported for her to be kept instead of the parents, shared that it still felt biased whilst growing up in the family as she did not have privileges.  She remembered the day where the brother was taken to a restaurant that sold her favourite food and she could not go but the brother was.  She remembered being pushed away by the father to stay at home whilst the father and brother walked out of the door.  The trauma, the feeling of anger or hate and emotional impact on her was extensive as she could still remember this day.  Even at the age of 23, she was not able to share this experience without tears in her eyes.    

As the three girls shared their story, it brought to surface the emotional trauma that the girls were feeling whilst also feeling a sign of relief that they were adopted to loving families.  However, their identity within the society was always questioned as they were seen different being of Chinese origins in American families.  Additionally, one girl stated that as they were questioned by their peers, friends and others on this, she felt sad knowing that they questioned her position in the community.  As she shared this, she said that ‘adoption is not my identity’ but it is something that is part of me that is not mentioned as often.  It is like having a middle name which is there but you do not use it.  As I heard this, it made me think ‘so true’.  What a positive and reflective way to look at this. 

Whilst one girl did not want to find her birth parents, the other two girls did go to China and visited the orphanage to see the nurse who cared for them before being adopted.  As they followed their journey of where they were left by the parents to when they were found and taken to the orphanage, the two girls could not comprehend their emotions.  One of them said that from a period of time she has been writing her emotions down and putting them in a bottle that she kept with her all the time.  She said she will open it when she is ready.  This brings to mind ‘bottling up your emotions’.  Furthermore, as they followed their journey to the orphanage, the nurses who cared for the girls brought so much love and affection towards them saying at times they had only two nurses for up to 200 children but they formed bonds with all of them and one nurses brought home up o 10 children to care in her own home rather than being in the orphanage where it proved difficult to be there all the time.  This is for one of the girls who was with the nurse in her home.  This journey was emotionally draining for the children and to give some hope to find their birth parents but they did not as it was proving very difficult.  Therefore, they left with those memories and information to build their story. 

With this, the girls took a step with lots of courage to ‘find their story’.  Although, it was not complete and this would be a missing, they continue to search to fill in the gaps.  This could be a continuous emotional cycle that would be part of them until they have their answers.    

How would this impact on their social and emotional wellbeing?

Do they need to seek these answers? 

What has been the positive and negatives of the one child policy that has been impacted by the government? 

I leave you to think and reflect on these questions.  Please share your thoughts with me, if any.